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What Are The Steps?


Being an Inner-Spirit Lifecoach gives me the opportunity to “push” individuals beyond their comfort zone! Essentially, I’m a motivator and in ways that are not typical…taking individuals to places within themselves that they thought were not possible. My unconventional approach is intuitive and especially when determining the best course of action. People often wonder what it is that I do, so I’m sharing a glimpse of the tangible steps used to help start the internal process for growth & improvement.

(1) First, ask yourself the question… “Am I where I want to be in life, right now at this very moment?” If the answer is NO, you must then determine WHY you’re not. Without shifting blame and pointing the finger at what others did or didn’t do, you must ONLY focus on what you have done to contribute to being where you are in your life right now!

(2) Then, you must “peel to heal” and this is a process. Peeling back the layers in your life can be very emotional and painful, but it’s absolutely necessary to start the healing process. You and you alone are responsible for unraveling the layers in your life…and this may take some time (typically multiple coaching sessions). Thinking through the various stages in your life starting from childhood and working your way to the present can be challenging. However, the ultimate goal is to take responsibility for the role you play. It is critical that you point the finger only at yourself.

(Begin with an “internal assessment” of the choices that you have made and own them…identify every choice that you’ve made that has resulted in an unwanted or undesirable outcome. It may be helpful to “categorize” aspects of your life such as professional & career, relationships, circle of friends…then break things down further by looking at your daily habits, priorities, all while checking your motives, identifying your specific weaknesses and exactly what you’ve done wrong…reach deep inside - you may discover things like…wrong choices in men/women, bad spending habits, bad attitude, maybe you’re a liar, manipulator, cheater, user, selfish, envious, jealous, angry, resentful, impulsive, lazy, irrational or maybe you're consumed with guilt, shame and the like), continue digging by asking questions like…are you living an authentic life, are you responsible, are you doing anything you should NOT be doing, what makes you vulnerable -the need for approval, maybe abandonment issues, who are you trying to please, impress or keep up with, what mistakes did you make as a parent, what kind of partner are you in a relationship, etc.? When you begin to peel back ALL the layers, you are in actuality starting to DECONSTRUCT your life and from there you can then begin to RECONSTRUCT your life.)

(3) Finally, begin the "reconstruction" process by REBUILDING…new layers that represent the qualities you want to have. You now have ownership over the NEW man or woman that you decide to become. It's a CHOICE! Changing your actions (which is achieved by a conscious approach to internal dialogue with self) will help to re-direct your choices. However, for this to work it is important to live in the present and not in the past. You must never look back! This is so critical because looking back can cause you to doubt your ability to change and impede your progress. In psycho-social cleansing focusing on the past can weigh you down and truly damage your ability to move forward.

There are ABC’s to understanding the psycho-social dynamics of human behavior. From a theoretical perspective they can provide insight on how progress can be made in individuals. In summary, A represents the antecedent known as the precursor or root cause of B, which is the behavior or choices that you make that then lead to C, which are the consequences that have you in the current situation you find yourself in. It’s really that simple! The theory is simple…it’s the work that is required to clean up the mess from poor decisions that can be very hard. Bad decisions made over the course of a lifetime can have a direct impact on your current state of being and that’s the bottom line!

People can get easily offended when it’s time to detail the choices they have made that have left them bruised, broken, stressed and unhappy; but at the same time they are looking for an explanation for why their life is a complete mess. There is a reason why things don’t turn out as one envisions. There are no shortcuts, you must take the necessary steps to see an improvement in your life! As a lifecoach I help people focus on the road ahead and give guidance, support and encouragement to make choices that will result in the outcomes they are looking for. So, I hope these steps help people discover the value in taking control of their life so they can ultimately live their best life! ~ Doc Mel


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