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DETOXING from Toxic People!

Make no mistake about it…TOXIC PEOPLE can consume us and wreck havoc in our lives! These individuals usually have a deep sense of insecurity and their self-esteem is oftentimes fragile beyond repair. Because they are wounded and in many instances not responsible for their wounding, these people can lash out and in a venomous way! They can create all types of problems in their own life and the lives of others. Have you ever found yourself in the path of a toxic person? It is not uncommon for people with toxic behavior to create drama and they are often surrounded by it, while being very manipulative and seeking control over others…WHY? Because it is all about them, all the time! Being users and extremely critical of others is their modus operandi or “M.O.” They tend to be jealous and envious, with a “woe is me” mentality as they covet other people’s success. They can be explosive in nature and very abusive towards others emotionally, mentally, and physically. They oftentimes abuse themselves as well. Studies even suggest there’s an association with addictive behaviors and/or risky behaviors among these people…and they have absolutely no problem putting others at risk. There is no monolithic way to describe a toxic person and what’s sad is that some people are toxic unknowingly and unintentionally, it’s just so deeply imbedded in their personality. However, once you’ve identified a person as toxic it is best to distance them from your life.

Consider this checklist of characteristics:

  • They are negative.

  • They are manipulative.

  • They are judgmental.

  • They are explosive.

  • They take no responsibility for their actions & others feelings.

  • They are condescending.

  • They don't apologize.

  • They sabotage you.

  • They are inconsistent and inconsiderate.

  • They want you to prove yourself to them.

  • They put you on the defense all the time.

  • They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you.

  • They keep you guessing about which version of them you’re getting.

  • They have you walking on eggshells around them.

  • They relish in your crisis, but never share in your joy.

  • They leave conversations unfinished – and then they go offline or are MIA.

  • They use toxic words with a toxic tone.

  • They bring irrelevant things up in arguments and don’t fight fair.

  • They flip the script and deflect – it’s about the “way you’re talking” rather than “what you’re talking about.”

Here’s what to do with a Toxic Person:

  • Rise Above Them & Their Behavior.

  • Maintain an Emotional Distance.

  • Establish Boundaries within Self.

  • Cut Them Off.

  • Don’t Allow Them to Consume You.

  • Always be Mindful & Don’t Ever Forget Their Behavior.

  • Focus on Responses & Reactions to Toxic Moments.

  • Protect Yourself.

  • Reflect on the Relationship.

  • Don’t Make Excuses for Them.

  • Don’t Try to Fix Them.

It is true that hurt people, hurt people; but there is a difference between having empathy for a person that is hurting, and going through your life tolerating destructive behavior from hurt people. Everyone can’t meet anger with sympathy, or contempt with compassion, or cruelty with kindness. It is NOT easy dealing with a toxic person. However, what you can do is accept people for who they are! Once you establish that a person is toxic, for your own health and well-being wish them well and send them on their way…

~ Doc Mel

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